Mortal Coil
by Ellyr
Summary: I'll be short and to the point: Ran does something horribly and unforgivably wrong, forcing Ken out of Weiss. YAOI.
1. Prolouge

  
  
Title: Mortal Coil 0/?  
Rating: R/NC-17  
Category: Angst, Dark Fic  
Warnings: Yaoi, shounen-ai, Aya bastardization, Ken torture, non-consensual sex  
Pairings: AyaxKen,KnightxKen, hints of Yohji+Ken  
Author: Ellyr  
Author E-mail: airyn_shinigami@yahoo.com  
Archives: if you want it to can have it, just e-mail to let me know  
  
Ken ran.  
  
He didn't want to remember the events of the past two hours but he couldn't forget, the pain and anger and fear that had gone with them was too vivid. The feeling of Aya forcing himself on him, biting viciously at his neck and thrusting so roughly into his body that it tore his insides apart. His own pained cries and pleading sobs for the redhead to stop, pathetic entreaties that were ignored. How helpless he'd been against the swordsman's rage, his own inability to fight back forcing him to give himself over to whatever Aya wanted to do to him. That was what haunted him the most; he had had given in.   
  
He hated himself for that.  
  
Ken had waited until he was absolutely sure that Aya wouldn't be coming back, that was he was truly gone for the night before pulling his window open and carefully dropping down into the alley running behind the Koneko. He didn't want any of the others to see him leaving, not when his blood and Aya's cum were still smeared across his skin. The evidence of his shame. The shame that would be a stain on him for the rest of his life.  
  
And so here he was, running away from everything he had known for what felt like forever.  
  
It was cold outside. A few snowflakes were already drifting out of the bleak November sky to scurry across the pavement, their clean beauty and whiteness representing the essence of purity. He could feel his gut twisting as they brushed against his cheeks. They made him feel even dirtier if that was possible, their light innocence making his sudden and violent violation seem all the more vivid. His fingers clawed at his arms in an unconscious desire to rip the skin off. He wanted to be clean again. But it was hopeless.  
  
Ken only slowed when the pain stabbing into his side grew too sharp to bear, his breath coming in ragged gasps and pants. His lungs felt like they were on fire. He bit his lips and glanced back in the direction of the hayana. Wondering if he would ever be able to go back and face what had happened. Face Aya.  
  
He couldn't help it anymore. He sank down onto the pavement and buried his face in his arms as the tears streamed down his face. It hurt. It hurt, knowing that he had been raped by one of his own teammates, the only people in this world he could truly count as his friends...  
  
Why? Why, Aya?  
  
The tears flowed faster as everything that had happened flashed through his mind, going faster and faster. Aya coming silently into his room, still gripping his katana, his violet eyes cold and hard and unreadable. His icy hands pushing Ken roughly onto the bed and then pinning the brunette's arms over his head, keeping them fixed there with a strength that Ken couldn't match. The redhead had tugged his jeans down and then tore at Ken's clothes to leave him naked and confused and scared.  
  
And then -  
  
The pain of being penetrated, feeling his insides break apart. Going on forever until Aya finally withdrew and left him huddled up on the bed trying desperately not to cry, not to show any kinds of weakness. And then he had fled and now he was here, alone in the alley. Lost.  
  
Ken sobbed until there were no more tears left in him, then slumped into an exhausted heap. He didn't know what to do now. His life before Weiss was forever lost to him, burned up in that fire from years ago. He could never go back, even if he wanted to. He doubted that Kritiker would just let him walk away now that he'd gone so far with them - maybe he would be reassigned to another one of their assassination groups. He wasn't sure if he could function in Weiss anymore.  
  
_Help me...somebody...anybody...just help me...  
  
_


	2. 1

  
  
Title: Mortal Coil 1/?  
Rating: R/NC-17  
Category: Angst, Dark Fic  
Warnings: Yaoi, shounen-ai, Aya bastardization, Ken torture, non-consensual sex  
Pairings: AyaxKen,KnightxKen, hints of Yohji+Ken  
Author: Ellyr  
Author E-mail: airyn_shinigami@yahoo.com  
Archives: if you want it to can have it, just e-mail to let me know  
  
Author Notes: /.../ is thoughts.  
I'm just letting you know right now that I have no qualms in playing canon fast and loose. This means that my versions of Crasher is  
probably quite a bit different from the official one...just bear with it, OK?  
This is, after all, fanfiction.  
  
Yohji lit a fresh cigarette and inhaled deeply, his green eyes narrowing as they stared at Aya. He was sure that the Weiss leader had something to do with Ken's abrupt disappearance two months ago; he'd been a PI before Kritiker had picked him up and could easily read the signs of guilt that the swordsman was giving off. He had a strong feeling that he'd done something that had hurt Ken deeply, possibly left him permanently scarred. And the thought of anyone hurting the soccer player, of anyone crushing his bright, sunny smile, made Yohji's blood boil.  
  
_What did you do, Aya?  
  
_Kritiker knew exactly what had happened; Yohji was sure of that much, at least. Manx had shown up only three days after Ken had suddenly vanished and told them that Siberian was in their custody but would not be returning to Weiss; he was being reassigned. To another unit. She had completely ignored Omi's desperate pleas as to what could possibly cause Ken-kun' to leave them, but Yohji had noticed the way her eyes lingered on Aya. And her comment that she would be required to meet with Abyssinian at a later date. In private, just the two of them.  
  
Things just hadn't been the same since then. Ken's departure had taken Omi's bright cheeriness with it, making their whole world grow dimmer. Yohji was deliberately avoiding Aya, even going out of his way to avoid seeing him. He doubted that things would ever smooth out between the two of them unless the redhead proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that he had nothing to do with Ken's reassignment, that he hadn't injured the brunette in any way. But until then Yohji never spoke to him outside of what was necessary to carry out missions, thus putting on a strain on everything.  
  
Not that he cared about that.   
  
And as for Aya himself... If anything, he'd managed to become more unsociable than ever. While before he'd just kept himself aloof and isolated from the other three, now he had a tendency to actually lash out at his remaining teammates. Well, at Omi, anyway, seeing as Yohji saw him as some sort of infectious disease and therefore avoided him at all costs. He would always snap at Omi to shut up, to leave him alone, to go somewhere else where he wouldn't be an annoyance - once he had even looked as if he were about to slap the poor kid. Probably would've if Yohji hadn't stepped between the two and caused Aya to back down.   
  
He took another drag off of his cigarette and continued his contemplation of the redhead. Not saying anything to him, just staring at his back. He was harder to read now than ever. Even quieter than before unless he had something to bitch about. And so withdrawn. Probably a defense mechanism meant to keep him and Omi away. Yohji sighed softly in exasperation. If he ever wanted to get past those damn shields he'd have to have some sort of contact with him.  
  
Ne, Aya?  
  
Aya stopped what he was doing and turned his head so that Yohji had a clear view of his profile, apparently listening. Surprise, surprise.  
  
What happened between you and Ken?  
  
The redhead made an abrupt movement as if he'd been stung, his fingers clenching convulsively into fists. Yohji noticed that his entire body had gone tense and rigid and allowed a faint smirk to spread across his face. So he'd hit a sore spot? He plunged on ahead.  
  
  
  
The swordsman's hands clenched so tight that tiny lines of red began to ooze out from beneath his fingernails before he whipped around to face the blonde. Yohji couldn't quite suppress a gasp at what he saw in Aya's eyes - it was the exact same look he wore when he was in the grip of his battle rage, facing down a target. The utter lack of emotion any emotion save icy hatred. Yohji had seen it many, many times by now, but never directed and a teammate and he didn't like the experience. He tried to swallow and found that his mouth had gone dry with nervousness.  
  
Balinese, listen to me carefully because I only want to tell this to you once. I had nothing to do with Siberian being reassigned. Nothing at all. Do you understand that?  
  
Violet eyes stared into jade for a long moment before Yohji looked angrily away.   
  
  
  
Aya turned away, leaving the blonde staring at his back in frustration. Denial, the most pathetic and obvious form of a lie. There was no way the redhead could think Yohji was stupid enough to buy what he'd just said when all of his body language screamed otherwise.  
  
_Aya, you liar.  
  
You bastard.  
  
Whether you meant to or not, you've told me everything I needed to know. You did something to Ken. You hurt him. And I don't know yet what exactly it was that happened, but I will.  
  
And then I'll make you pay.  
  
_

* * *  
  


A combination mission with Weiss, huh?  
  
Knight smiled faintly. He still remembered the man now known as Abyssinian from his Crasher days, an irritating, stubborn, antisocial brat that he'd found all but impossible to work with. He'd been incredibly relieved when Kritiker had removed him, had even allowed himself to hope that he'd never have to see him again. So much for that.  
  
Well I guess that we'll just have to accept it, right? We can't handle this on our own, much as I hate to admit it. He waved idly at Bishop and left the mission room with a soft sigh on his lips. Working with Fujimaya Ran once again. What a wonderful prospect.  
  
He wondered how Rook was going to take it.  
  
But there was no question that they needed to cooperate on this one. Kakaji Sanjo was too powerful, his sphere of influence too large, for a solo group to destroy. It would need both groups. Weiss would need to focus on killing the man himself and those who surrounded him while Crasher concentrated on hacking into their database and retrieving their critical files. They would use that information later on to bring about the definite end of Kakaji's empire.  
  
The whole lot of them would be gathering in Tokyo in one week's time - they'd never get another chance like this. It couldn't be wasted. And Knight knew that. But still.  
  
There was another reason why he didn't want ot see Fujimaya again, other than his intense dislike of the man.  
  
He paused outside of Rook's doorway and leaned his head against the frame. This wouldn't be easy on the poor kid, seeing his one-time teammates again. Especially one Abyssinian. He didn't quite now the entirety of what had happened between those two, but he knew enough to make an accurate guess. And it angered him to no end that anyone would treat someone like Ken in such a way.  
  
Knight sighed. This was going to be rough. 


	3. 2

Title: Mortal Coil 0/?  
Rating: R/NC-17  
Category: Angst, Dark Fic  
Warnings: Yaoi, shounen-ai, Aya bastardization, Ken torture, non-consensual sex  
Pairings: AyaxKen,KnightxKen, hints of Yohji+Ken  
Author: Ellyr  
Author E-mail: airyn_shinigami@yahoo.com  
Archives: if you want it to can have it, just e-mail to let me know  
  
Ken padded quietly down the stairs to the living room of Crasher headquarters, blinking slightly in the unfamiliar darkness. Even after two months of living here, everything was still so foreign to him. He was still shy and uncertain of himself around his new teammates, afraid that they saw him as an intruder and wanted him gone. He was scared of being reassigned a second time. He wanted some semblance of stability back in his life.  
  
He moved through the living room and toward the kitchen, frowning slightly when he saw that the kitchen door was closed and a tiny streak of light was shining out through its edges. One of the others was up. He wanted suddenly to flee back to the safe isolation of his room, but he bit his lip and pushed hesitantly on the door. He couldn't keep hiding in the dark.  
  
He was Hidaka Ken, and Hidaka Ken didn't act like a scared child.  
  
But Hidaka Ken had been broken.  
  
He forced his surge of irrational fear down into his gut and stepped hesitantly into the kitchen's soft, reassuring warmth. He almost gasped with relief when he saw that his late night companion was Knight, the closest thing to a friend that he had in Crasher. He'd gone out of his way to make Ken's transition from Weiss to this new group as smooth as it could be, letting the younger man know right away that he'd always be there if he ever wanted to talk. Ken appreciated that, even if he was still too shy to tell him so. Knight's presence had prevented him from feeling alone all the time, and the blonde seemed to be able to sense what he couldn't say.  
  
Ken's voice was little more than a whisper.  
  
Knight jerked his head at the stove. I made tea. You can have some if you want it.  
  
Ken poured himself some of the hot liquid and brought it over to the table. He sat down opposite Knight and just stared at his mug, his eyes growing distant and troubled. His skin still crawled at the nearness of another person to himself. He couldn't help it. It just happened and he couldn't stop it.  
  
Hey, Ken?  
  
Brown flicked over to amber for a brief second before sliding away again.   
  
Knight frowned. Ken was always so quiet, so timid when he was around other people. It was only when they were on missions that he could catch a glimpse of the person that he had probably once been, vibrant and alive and full of passionate fire. But other than those tense, adrenaline filled nights he was quiet and shy and - scared, almost. And he hated being touched. Knight had found that out on the brunette's very first day with them, when he had reached out to clasp his shoulder in a gesture of welcome. Ken had jerked away with a panicked expression, his eyes growing wide and blank, like he'd just been shot. Knight hadn't tried to touch him after that. Ken even flinched when people walked toward him. He was always so damn skittish...  
  
He remembered casually asking their new Rook how he'd gotten along with Fujimaya. And the kid had just frozen up, his brown eyes becoming wide and terrified and his body shuddered before completely locking up. It had taken him a while to come back to the world around him, and then he'd locked himself in his room for the entire day.  
  
That had certainly caught Knight's attention.  
  
He shook himself slightly as he realized that his mind had been wandering. He gave the brunette a grin of apology.  
  
Gomen. I just wanted to ask you - will you be all right on this mission?  
  
Ken's hands tightened around his mug of tea as he looked down. I always function normally on missions. You know that.  
  
Aa. I do. But this is different. You'll be working with Weiss again, but not as one of them. As one of us. That can throw a person off, being around a former team, especially if they're trying to - forget.  
  
Ken's head jerked up and he stared at Knight with wide eyes.   
  
I don't get the feeling that you left Weiss because you suddenly wanted to. Seems to me that you were running away from something.  
  
Ken's hands were shaking slightly as he stood up and turned away. His shoulders had gone stiff. Knight moved to stand ahead of him, extending his hand.  
  
C'mon, Ken. Trust me. Do you think you have to be all alone all the time?  
  
Ken stared blankly at Knight's upturned palm. He wanted to take what Knight was offering. He'd spent the past nine weeks locked up in his own little world and it was lonely. He wanted to feel another person's warmth, talk with someone else with complete honesty, smile, laugh... But that was impossible. He would just get hurt again if he dared to open himself up.  
  
He turned his head away and pushed past Knight, fleeing back to the concealing darkness of his room. Knight stared after him and sighed. He wondered how much longer it would be before he broke down.  
  


* * *  
  


Aya couldn't sleep that night. No matter how much he tossed and turned, trying to get comfortable, sleep wouldn't come. He hated that. Hated being awake and alone with his thoughts. Especially when they were about Ken.  
  
Ken smiling and laughing, always trying to cheer everyone up, always trying to be nice to him, even though he was always so cold.  
  
So cold...  
  
Ken pleading with him to stop, his brown eyes confused and scared, his hands pushing feebly at Aya's shoulders before falling limply away. His eyes squeezing tightly shut in pain. And Aya had just kept going, pounding into the younger man's body even though he'd known it was wrong, that he was hurting Ken, that Ken _didn't want this...  
  
_He gritted his teeth together and tried to force the memories back into the inner recesses of his mind, where they wouldn't bother him. And yet he couldn't - the reality of what he'd done kept pounding at him, taunting him, condemning him as nothing more than one of the dark beasts they were supposed to destroy. And it was true.  
  
Because he'd raped Ken. Broken something deep inside him. Destroyed his friend.  
  
He wished that he hadn't seen Omi with the Schwartz brat that day. Wished that he hadn't seen them kiss. It had reminded him so painfully that he had no one, even after his imouto-chan had woken up. He couldn't bring himself to face here, not after he'd spent so many years committing murder in her name. She was better off not knowing what he'd become.  
  
But even knowing and accepting that bitter truth, he was lonely. He wanted someone of his own, someone to hold when he needed to feel companionship, someone to keep him warm when he was cold. He wanted someone to keep the darkness at bay. Someone for him to love, and to love him back.  
  
But there was no one.  
  
The loneliness was enough to drive him insane. It sent him out to go drinking in order to forget himself, forget the ache that gnawed away at his insides. He'd been drinking that night. Drinking and wishing that one Hidaka Ken would look at him. Look and truly see.  
  
But he had destroyed any chance of that ever happening when he'd raped Ken.  
  
A single tear rolled down Aya's cheek.   
  
  
  



	4. 3

  
  
Title: Mortal Coil 1/?  
Rating: R/NC-17  
Category: Angst, Dark Fic  
Warnings: Yaoi, shounen-ai, Aya bastardization, Ken torture, non-consensual sex  
Pairings: AyaxKen,KnightxKen, hints of Yohji+Ken  
Author: Ellyr  
Author E-mail: airyn_shinigami@yahoo.com  
Archives: if you want it to can have it, just e-mail to let me know  
  
  
Ken adjusted his necktie nervously as he glanced around at the people moving through the ballroom, smiling and laughing. All of them were so self-assured, confident of themselves and the power of their glamorous that had been built on crime and blood. He wished that one of the others could have come instead of him; this really wasn't his element. Too bad he'd drawn he'd drawn the short straw. There was another mission for the Crasher group tonight, but not an especially difficult or important one - hence King's decision that they couldn't waste such an ideal scouting opportunity for their rapidly approaching mission with Weiss. So here he was, attending the first of a string of parties being hosted by Kakaji that would be ending Friday. The night of the mission.  
  
He scrubbed tiredly at his face and pushed his way through the elegantly dressed crowd to one of the small alcoves that branched off of the main ballroom, letting himself fall heavily onto one of the plush couches that had been placed there. There was no one else there to observe him. Ken leaned back and sighed in a mixture of exasperation of exhaustion - he'd always been so much better at fast, immediate action than this sort of thing.  
  
Which made his assignment in Crasher so odd. They were required to keep themselves at peak physical condition, able to be lethal in combat if the need ever arose, but - it was so different from what he'd done in Weiss. He hadn't realized how used to the killing he'd become until now. It had become such an all consuming part of his life so easily, and here was in a non lethal unit.  
  
Maybe Kritiker thought that he was too unstable to be placed in an assassination group after what had happened to him.  
  
Someone flopped down next to him and Ken heard the sound of a lighter being flicked to life. A moment later he smell cigarette smoke and could sense his new companion settling into the couch and Ken turned his head, wanting to see just whom he had found himself with. He drew in a sharp breath of surprise.  
  
He was looking into a pair of _very _ familiar green eyes.  
  
Yohji smiled at him, his expression a bit sad.   
  
Ken breathed, feeling a line of pain shiver through him at the sight of his former teammate. He'd missed Yohji and Omi in the two months since he'd left Weiss. The two of them had been his family after he'd lost everything he'd ever known, their friendship and care preventing him from falling into the hatred that had been threatening to consume him. They had meant so very much to him, and being torn away from them so suddenly had hurt more than he'd ever imagined it could.   
  
And now here he was Yohji, sitting next to him.  
  
he said again.  
  
The blonde took another drag off of his cigarette and shot Ken a half smile. You wanna go for a walk?  
  
  
  


* * *  
  


So what are you doing here? asked Yohji softly. The two of them were sitting on the wooden bridge spanning Kakaji's miniature lake, their legs hanging out over the water as they stared up at the star studded sky. They were sitting close to each other but not touching, which suited Ken just fine. He wanted to be near Yohji, wanted to feel the other man's familiar, reassuring presence, but didn't want to be touched. The feeling of another person's hands on him still made him want to scream.  
  
Scouting. Which is also why you're here, ne? Ken turned his head so that he could see Yohji's faint profile, silently memorizing it. His best friend.  
  
Yohji's lighter clicked and the tiny orange flame illuminated his face for a second before they were plunged back into the darkness. The blonde drew in a deep lungful of smoke and slowly exhaled before answering. Aa. I am. Ken could feel Yohji stand up and lean against the railing, his jade eyes looking moodily out across the starlit water. Ne, Ken.  
  
He felt a shiver of apprehension run through him at his friend's tone. So serious. The one he used when broaching a delicate subject.   
  
Yohji threw his cigarette down and stepped it out before turning to look down at Ken. Ken rose slowly to his feet so that they were face-to-face  
  
What did Aya do to you?  
  
Ken drew his knees up to his chest and refused to answer. He didn't want to have this conversation. He wanted to forget what had happened. Wanted to bury the knowledge deep inside himself and forget that it had ever happened. Not that that would ever happen, with Aya doing it every night in his dreams.  
  
But Yohji could be very stubborn, and pushed on even though he could sense Ken's reluctance to talk. He knew that the younger man needed this. Needed to confront what had happened or he'd never be able to move on.  
  
It - was Aya, wasn't it?  
  
Ken shook his head in a fierce denial of the memories that were threatening to overwhelm him. Yohji, don't. I don't want to.  
  
You have to, or you'll be poisoned. I've seen it before. What was it, Ken? Did he hit you? Did he beat you and never stop? Did he threaten you? Did he -  
  
  
  
Then what, Ken? Tell me. Please.  
  
Ken turned away from Yohji and stared blankly ahead, back at the yellow lights of the mansion. Why don't you just ask Manx? She knows. She was the one who found me when I ran away.  
  
Because I want to hear it from you yourself. I want you to face whatever it was that happened so that you can move on.  
  
Ken didn't say anything for a long time. Yohji kept quiet, just staring at the dark form of his friend and wondering if he would open up, talk to him... He blinked as the form suddenly stood up, but didn't face him. Ken's shoulders were rigid, his eyes staring straight ahead.  
  
It was Aya.  
  
Ken spun around suddenly, and Yohji saw faint trails of silver on his cheeks from where the moonlight caught the tear tracks.  
  
He wouldn't stop, Yohji, even though I told him to. It hurt so much. I didn't want any of it, but... His voice trailed off and Ken was silent before speaking up again, his eyes looking into a memory.   
  
He wouldn't stop.  
  
  
  
Ken scrubbed furiously at his eyes and Yohji reached out to him again, tugging the brunette against him despite Ken's suddenly desperate attempts to free himself. He wanted to go back to the Koneko and strangle Aya. How could he have done something like that... He silently stroked Ken's back in an attempt to comfort and soothe him. So that was why he'd been reassigned. To keep him away from the redhead.  
  
Yohji smiled bitterly. Of course Kritiker wouldn't dare to remove Aya from Weiss. Not their most valuable killer. He could probably do just about anything and get off with a lecture. Which is what had no doubt happened this time.  
  
  
  
Ken was crying now, his face buried in Yohji's shirt as his hands clutched at his arms, his entire body shaking from the force of his sobs. He didn't care that he was supposed to be scouting, that King would be wanting a full report on everything that he'd found. He just hurt.  
  
He hurt.  
  
And he didn't think that it would go away.  
  
AN: I really have no excuses for this chapter. I didn't want Ken and Yohji to talk this soon, but for some reason whenever I tried to write it they ended up having that conversation anyway... Hmmm. I think that there's going to be more focus on the Knight/Ken interaction in the next couple of chapters - they need their time in, damnit!


End file.
